Friday, April 3, 2015

When I Was Fourteen

At fourteen disco was all the rage on the radio
Saturdays spent skating, waiting for the songs that are slow.
All week I'd dream in my room that he'd ask for me that night.
My heart would race, my throat went dry when he was in my sight.
Much care was taken to choose the jeans and shirt  that I'd wear.
Kristi had the look I'd want, I copied her feathered hair.
Eyelids blue, lips shining glossy, tasting of sweet cherry.
Conscripted in conforming style but not ordinary.
To be popular you had to look like everyone else.
Struggling in a time when you are trying to find yourself.
So much energy spent to only be part of the herd.
Thinking of being fourteen now I can see how absurd
I acted to fit in with people who stayed stuck in ruts
In truth, I was never like them, they all think I am nuts.
That guy I hoped would ask me out, turns out that he is gay.
He's been my close friend and confidant since we broke away.
At fourteen all you want to do is to find acceptance.
You strive hard for approval from every acquaintance.
Dear fourteen year old me, you are perfect at being you.
Accept yourself and your flaws and live a life that's true

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Hippocrickets

I'm not like you.
My eyes are brown, not blue
Years ago I broke my brain,
I'll never be the same again.
You cannot the see the scars I bear.
And when I hurt, you just don't care.
You seem to think we are the same.
So when I'm sick, you'd rather blame...
me

Me...
You say I should get over it!
My square peg will never fit.
It took me years to accept this fact
It's who I am.  It's not an act.

You...
You say you care about my plight
You who claim I have a right
A right to be just like you.
Yeah, you really have no clue!

We...
We the people you wish to lead
hear your words and lack of deeds.
Pave our roads with your intentions
While attending your conventions

You are broken yet you don't know
But quick to point your finger, though!
Please quit trying to fix me
Fix yourself first, let me be!


Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Abstract Quantification

How does one measure yet another year?
It's not like a mile which is far or is near.
I went no great distance, I am still here.
Yet much has changed, that is very clear.
Time is not measured like we do sound.
It's not a like a shape that is square or is round.
Time marches on, its little feet pound,
Forward we move to a destination unfound.
The year is a wheel, they say my friend.
Ever a circle, no beginning or end.
And on this journey this currency we spend
one cannot save,borrow or lend.
How does one measure what cannot be seen?
It has no up, down, under, or between.
Time rules us all like no king or queen.
So savor each second for the pleasure you glean.
For when your time is up all that is left is what's done
So better make it worth every minute of fun.
Know that for all time you will be the only one
who traveled your own path around the sun.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Picking Up

There is no sense to be made and no blame to be laid for one who chose to leave.
Shocked and stunned, you stumble along too confused to bereave.
You're left searching clues like yesterday's news, it's done.
They went away and you're here to today to see the sun.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

You say you want a revolution?

Uranus went retrograde on July 22nd. It will remain retrograde in Aries until Dec 22nd. Uranus is the planet that brings upheaval and revolution. Uranus shocks us out of complacency.
We have already seen this with the Ice Bucket Challenge. That sudden shock of cold water wakes us to hopefully do good.
We have seen it in Ferguson. Yes, there were all sorts of negative reports, but I am seeing folks coming together against that negativity and wanting to make genuinely good changes.
We have seen it with the shocking death of Robin Williams. One blogger likened his death to the death of JFK. Years from now we will still be talking about how it impacted us. His death has brought much needed awareness to depression, suicide, and even cyber trolls/bullying. The latter causing Twitter to re-examine its policies.
Aries is the boy scout, the hero, the knight in shining armor. Aries just wants to make everything right. Aries lacks finesse at times and the need to do right is wrapped tightly up in Aries' ego. It's is a *need* to do right more than a *want* to do right. Aries also has a tendency to get wrapped up in his ego. We see this coming out in the bias everyone has on the three issues I mentioned above. These upheavals are hitting us in our egos.
We must understand this and take it into account. Own your feelings but do not project them onto others. We all are experiencing and dealing with these upheavals in our own ways. I like to focus on the Aries overwhelming drive to do the right thing. That is what I hope prevails.
OH! Geeze, I forgot to mention the first indictment of a sitting State Governor in about 100 years. Oops! That will prove entertaining to say the least. Again, I hope the drive to do the right thing prevails now and through the elections up until the Solstice.
Hang on babies! The revolution(s) are here. Keep the faith, as LR says. Keep surfing through the changes is what I say. Uranus casts choppy waves and if you catch the right one, you'll be riding high! Weather through the lows, believe me... THINGS ARE GOING TO CHANGE!|
(c) Pamela McAfee 2014

Monday, June 23, 2014

A Sad Gay Bar

This is the "Gay Bar," we say in hushed tones.
It's on the other side of the tracks, everybody knows.
The parking lot is filled with broken bottles
A dangerous sparkle for a lot so mottled
Country music leaks out the cracks of the walls
Redneck homos?  Yeah, it's Wichita Falls!
Crossing the veil we exit the night.
Immersed in stale smoke and not enough light.
I shuffle in across the sticky floor. 
Regulars' heads lift towards the door.
It has been years since anyone cares.
Down turned faces and blank eyed stares
The melancholy presses me down on a stool.
But I won't stay long, I won't be fooled
You'll find there is no fairy wishing star
Only loneliness in the sad gay bar.



 

Bittersweet

Bittersweet Incomplete, 
I am tortured. 
The aching longing saturates my every fiber. 
Delicious misery intoxicates. 
Because to hurt like this means
I know bliss.